I always feel stressed to share things like this. Because it goes from depth. It goes from sacred space and this makes me feel vulnerable.
The last few months have been very intense and transformative to me. There have been many magical moments, but there have also been difficult ones.
You know, it happens in life that things don’t happen the way you want them to.
Because I am so small, and this foreign world is so big. And I can’t do anything about it because if I try I will break myself against life that’s way bigger than me.
My hands go down. I feel like I’m on a plane that’s falling, and at the very point of impact, I have to ask myself: Am I really on a plane that’s falling down to the ground? Am I really on a plane that will break against the world right now?
Or am I still in charge? Am I still the one who makes decisions here?
If I am the pilot, and I am still flying, then I don’t want to think anymore that I can’t live the life that I want. I decided I could take my decisions back. I could take them back to me.
So, what can I do?
My mind started to fly over the sky, looking for the best, for the dreams. So many opportunities. You can do this, you can do that. But I felt that those clouds, those dreams, were not accessible to me. They were not at my hands. And in that moment, I felt it again: I can’t reach the life I dream of. If it’s not reachable, it’s not my opportunity. It’s just a thought in my head.
So I started to think differently. Now, what can I reach?
Is there something that I have now? Maybe in my 28 years, I have something behind me. I started to remember my experience, my story, people I met, places I’ve been. I started to remember all those gifts that I have in the present, all the presents I gave to myself with my decisions before. I remembered my falls and my wins, and the beautiful moments with people I love. I thought about friends on Facebook or LinkedIn, but that’s not true, is it? They are not really my friends. But I do have true friends. I have true experiences.
I revealed a truth: the real gifts are hidden in the nearest things. I have weeks and months of meetings ahead of me just with the beautiful people I already have in my life.
And then, I started to feel inspiration. I started to feel excited.
But I started to fear that this energy might go. And then fear comes, and it knocks on my door. What do we do when we feel fear? We don’t want to open the door. I hide, and the excitement goes away.
But at one moment, I felt like maybe I should open. It’s just knocking. I watched through the small window in my door and I saw Fear, just a guy who came to me. And I started to be curious. Who is that guy that comes to me from time to time?
So I decided to open the door.
Fear came in and said, “Look, I see what you’re coming up with. I see your ideas. And there’s something unknown, and you need to be careful about it. There’s a big unknown. Just be careful.”
And you know what I said to that guy?
I said, “Thank you, guy. With those kinds of insights, you’re always welcome. Knock on my door. If you have insights on what I need to be careful about, come, knock on my door. You are welcome.”
I started to open doors to Fear and invite him as my guest. We started to have deep discussions and build plans together. When you start being friendly enough to build a relationship with your fear, it gives you the opportunity to transform your anxiety into awareness.
Allow yourself everything. Allow bad things to happen. Allow yourself to fall down. Because doubts don’t cost anything. Doubts are worthless. But your fails, your mistakes, they are worth something.
I deserve my falls as much as I deserve my wins, because I choose my challenges. They are my own experience. My faults and pitfalls are no less important and no less valuable.
From now on, when I dream, I will dream about the most best point that is reachable to me. Not the ones that are somewhere else. The best I can reach—that will be my dream.
Life is a game, and your mind will keep playing its games with you. Your responsibility—your ability to respond—must be to remind yourself of this. In the game of life, the successful one is not the one who always wins, but the one who stays.
And in this game, I want to take my decisions back on me. I want to rule it. I want to lead. Because life is a precious chance for self-realization. You can always stop this game, but you don’t always get the chance to start it again.
If you felt anything reading this, it’s not because of me. It’s because it came to you, through me, because of you being here.